31:23-25
how do we do
23. Her husband is known in the gates when he sits among the elders of the land.
24. She makes linen garments and sells them; she delivers sashes to the merchant.
25. Strength and dignity are her clothing, and she laughs at the time to come.
To start this post off with a disclaimer: I am not married, nor have I ever been. That being said, I have been on many dates. Some good, most not so good.
I spent my late adolescence thinking I would spend my 20s in school, getting degree after degree, and that marriage/children would be part of my life much later on. Needless to say, as I grew closer to the Lord, my priorities shifted (the pandemic offered a lot of time to spend with Him). Now that I am in my mid-twenties, it has been a bit disheartening to see friends and loved ones get married and settling down faster than the blink of an eye, while my love life remains far less lively.
I spent an embarrassing amount of time feeling sorry for myself for not being married in my early twenties. I mean literal years. But the truth is this: God's timing is absolutely perfect. And this time by myself is absolutely preparation for what is to come. Rather than taking the simple path and continuing the pity party, I've elected to dedicate my spare time to growing in my faith! Which has been such an amazing evolution. My solitude is definitely part of what inspired this journey to pursuing the scripture of Proverbs 31.
It doesn't take a theologian to assess the first part of this scripture: our Proverbs 31 woman married a man who values his community and actively participates within it. What a man indeed! He is a true provider for his family, and has earned the respect of the community elders. That being said, the next verse suggests that our Proverbs 31 woman does in fact have a job. Whether or not she views it as a career, I would argue probably not. But what it does tell us is that she contributes in multi-faceted ways to her family- she is a wife, mother, nurturer, and within the context of this passage she does provide.
I didn’t want to fixate on verse 25, as it is likely one of the most commonly quoted scriptures to women. If you’ve ever attended a women’s retreat, ladies church conference, etc., you have heard about “strength and dignity” as clothing. Prior to embarking on this journey with Proverbs 31, I would read that line as vanity. “Having a bad hair day? Clothes not fitting right? Looking a bit frumpy? Well, rest assured that no matter how messy you look, you are STRONG!” This verse always felt cheapened by its presence on every pink church sign, travel mug, and t-shirt. In a sense, this verse is cherrypicked from the bible, and if there is anything that unbelievers love to hate about Christianity, it’s the cherrypicking of verses to suit a PERSONAL narrative as opposed to a biblical one. It’s an ugly thing!
In the past two months of my life, I have had an unbelievable number of life circumstances that required strength I did not know that I had. Everything from parting ways with friends and loved ones to having a family member depart from this world. If I were a perfect Christian (an expression I have learned to laugh heartily at), I would say that I have spent my time reading my bible diligently and really relying on him for the strength I know that I am lacking. But the truth of the matter is that I have struggled to pick up my bible. I have struggled with my devotionals. I have struggled to worship. I have struggled to go to church. I have struggled. And struggled. And struggled.
I was laying in bed earlier this week with an absolutely terrible case of food poisoning. I find that when I’m ill I spend a lot of time in my head, for better or for worse. I prayed throughout the day, asking God to restore my health that I may be able to go about my life as per usual. Getting as sick as I did forced a lot of perspective, and I had a revelation: I couldn’t remember when in the past two months I had genuinely allowed myself to be still and be with the Lord. I had opened my bible, read it, thought about it a little… I had prayed, but I hadn’t really allowed myself to be still. That thought rattled me. I felt exposed, and if I’m honest, a bit spooked.
This Proverbs woman is strong because she has been given situations that required her to have strength. She has dignity because she likely has dealt with dishonor or immorality. She has such strength and dignity that they are as clothing on her- obvious to those around her. Our Proverbs 31 woman didn’t wake up with bags under her eyes from staying up watching TV, say #girlbosshotmess, throw her hair in a messy bun and superficially tell herself that this is what “strength” looks like. This is a woman who has endured trials and her strength is visible.
The hardest, most difficult part of verses 23-25 for me is the latter part of verse 25. She laughs. Are you JOKING??? My life has been so overwhelming as of late, so crushing and in moments very isolating. This woman, the one who has suffered and fallen and got back up now LAUGHS at what is to come? Am I supposed to chuckle as I write thank you cards for the sympathy flowers I’ve received? Smile as I recall the items I left in friends and loved ones homes that I will never get back? Infuriatingly, the answer is apparently yes! This woman has something figured out that I am only just beginning to understand; I have endured and wrestled and fought and probably bled over the past several weeks. But in those moments where I needed God the most, I did not look to him. In fact, most of the time I buried my face in my hands and felt sorry for myself.
What makes this woman truly strong, what gives her dignity is in the moments where she has faced obstacles, she looked up to God. What I’ve come to realize in the past few weeks is that the enemy is incredibly effective in his deceit. When I was knocked down, the devil whispered to me there. It was very easy to believe his lies, because that’s unfortunately how he works. Our Proverbs woman may have had the devil whisper to her, but she did two very important things: she looked to God, and she LAUGHED.
Earlier I saw an unpleasant news headline. I was sitting in the car listening to my favorite Christian radio station, My Jesus by Anne Wilson was playing, and I saw this disturbing bit of news. I had a reaction I could not have predicted. I panicked, then just burst out laughing. I laughed, not because I was no longer worried about the news, but because I saw very clearly in that moment just how small the news headline was compared to the power of the God I serve. It was a shocking moment, because I fully expected myself to spiral or just try to shove the thoughts to the back of my mind. Instead I laughed, because I knew that God was in control.
I have struggled. And struggled. And struggled. I have no doubt that I will have quite a few more struggles to contend with. But the next time the enemy whispers to me, I know exactly what to look up at. God willing, I will LAUGH.