2024: Lesson Learned
Keep your enemies close, and your bible closer.
“It’s not the destination, it’s the journey.”
Ralph Waldo Emerson
Not my typical content, but still faith-based…
2024 was the greatest year of my life (so far). As I write this, I am seated on the recliner in my fiancé's living room, relaxing and looking out at the beautiful blue sky of the early afternoon. I keep looking down at the ring on my left hand in amazement. If you had told me on January 1st of 2023 that I would have moved across the country, started and left a job, started dating again, met the love of my life, traveled coast-to-coast several times, started another job, was let go from that position, got engaged, and still managed to stay in the Word and deepen my faith, I would've bugged.
I wanted to share the biggest lesson I learned in 2024, because it was a deeply unexpected one. As I mentioned, it was a wonderful year for me. I gained friends, made memories, traveled, and truly enjoyed my life for the first time in many years. I grew in my walk with God, and in doing so a lot of... unexpected issues appeared. I've written previously on spiritual warfare and the importance of putting on the armor of God to protect myself, but I haven't had much to say historically about protecting myself from those closest to me.
Jealousy is an interesting creature. William Shakespeare said the following in Othello, "O beware, my lord, of jealousy; it is the green-eyed monster which doth mock the meat it feeds on." Has there ever been a person in your life that is relentless in their disdain for you? Someone who, no matter your efforts, you cannot do right in their eyes? You have gone above and beyond, even putting yourself on the back burner to people please this individual to no avail?
To be very clear, this page is not an advice blog. I am simply sharing my walk with the Lord, and I STRONGLY encourage you to pick up your Bible and walk with Him. But if I were to give any advice, it is to guard your heart against the world. That person you are sacrificing self to, the one who you are doing the absolute most for- they feed off of your insecurity. They don't care that you are damaging yourself in pursuit of them, their approval- their love.
The very second that your life starts looking better than theirs, and you start putting God first instead of the individual(s), they will turn on you faster than you can anticipate. This is because, despite your triumph not diminishing their accomplishments, they do not want you to win. This can open doors to that person (especially if they are not saved) experiencing demonic strongholds. They may hurl abuse at you, minimize all of your success, gossip and slander your name, and lie to those closest to you to try to bring you down.
Unfortunately, towards the latter half of 2024, I experienced this. The moment I started rising up out of the trenches, immediately I was attacked and ridiculed. I sat with this feeling of betrayal long enough that I gave it up to the Lord. My takeaway from time in prayer was this: the Holy Spirit in me agitates the demons in others. When you are experiencing God's goodness and provision, it can be a winnowing and pruning season as well. There are many people who do not want you to succeed, so they will do everything they can to discourage you when they see you are doing well. If I had to hazard a guess, this is how God tells you to watch those in your inner circle.
This is a hard season to go through. Perhaps it is your family, or your closest friend who is treating you this way. You got the promotion, you were baptized, you read the Bible cover-to-cover, you graduated, you got engaged, you started going to therapy, and suddenly their words become sharp and their eyes narrow. You thought you would have their love and support because you always gave them yours! Even when it inconvenienced you, because that's the woman God called you to be.
Not everyone will live their lives by a biblical standard. If you lean into Proverbs 31 or Titus 2 because you WANT to be a biblical woman, expect tomfoolery from the jealous ones around you. You may think, "I've always helped them! I've always supported them in their success, even when I was jealous because I was in a slump! I still showed up for them because I love them and want them to do well! Why are they being so unsupportive and disrespectful when I have done nothing wrong?!" The answer is simple: you are no longer living for their standard, but for the Lord. Let go, and let God take care of it. Anyone who discourages your healthy success does not deserve to have an active role in your life. Pray for them, their walk, their faith, and let God do the rest. Your identity is not found in your detractors, but in the Most High King.
I'm walking into 2025 with a new perspective: keep your enemies close, and your Bible closer. My fiancé and I have made it our mission to pray together once a day, even if we don't see each other. He picks up the phone and calls me before bed and we pray for everything and everyone on our prayer list. Every morning, the first thing I do is pray. Spending time in the Word is a much stronger priority for me, as time spent with God fortifies me for battle against the enemy and his rotten soldiers. I will seek out mentors and prayer warriors, and worship as I face obstacles.
In summation, the lesson of 2024 was that God's plan for my life is not minimized by those who have not surrendered theirs. I will continue to walk in the ways of the Lord, come what may.
God bless, and Happy New Year!
The Lies he Tells
Defeating spiritual warfare, and the lies he tells.
It’s all a wash.
“… in the waiting, in the searching, in the healing and the hurting; like a blessing buried in the broken pieces.”
-There Was Jesus by Zach Williams
It has been several long, long months since I sat down to write here on The Virtuous Voyage.
The hiatus was not intentional. After Advent ended in December, I remember thinking how excited I was to devote more of my time to writing, to evangelizing, and to sharing my journey. That time was so sacred and lovely, I was ambitious and ready to pursue this blog with more enthusiasm.
And then, Satan. The Enemy. The Devil. Call him what you will, but he is real and at work, and boyyyy did he work in my life. I think it can be easy for believers to dismiss the devil because we know how much greater God is by comparison. However, Satan’s wickedness does not disappear simply because God is awesome. In Matthew 4 when the devil tempted Jesus, Christ didn’t tell him that he was a figment of his imagination, or not really there. Jesus spoke plainly to the devil:
10. Then Jesus said to him, “Be gone, Satan! For it is written, ‘You shall worship the Lord your God and him only shall you serve.’'“ Then the devil left him, and behold, angels came and were ministering to him.
-Matthew 4:10
I had heard the term spiritual warfare, but I had honestly dismissed it as an extremist concept up until a few weeks ago. I thought it was a fear-mongering tactic for Christians to scare unbelievers into faith, which is an approach I do not believe is most effective. I say this with the utmost humility: I could not have been more naïve and stupid. When I look back on it, I know the devil saw how my faith was developing and he knew that would be the perfect time to try to discourage me.
If you are seasoned in your faith, you’ve likely heard pastors preaching on YouTube or Instagram or TikTok about how the devil knows you are saved, so the only way he can get to you is by discouraging you. Well, my discouragement began shortly after the start of the new year. I ended a relationship rather suddenly. It was time for me to move on, but it was painful- exceptionally painful. I spent days at a time just going through the motions, not registering anything and moving through my days in a kind of daze. During that time, the devil whispered lies to me incessantly. I don’t mean that I heard a voice, not at all. I would be going along with my day and an evil thought would suddenly pop into my mind: you realize there’s no way anyone will ever want to marry you now, right? You know that you’re too old for most men to consider you. You know you aren’t pretty or smart enough to keep a house or marry a godly man. These thoughts were constant, leaving me shaking, crying, and overcome with worry. I’d miss him, the man I loved. I’d think about taking him back, knowing that we were not a match and that I would be doing us both a disservice.
About a week after the breakup, I found a mass on my thyroid. I was petrified. And the devil sensed my fear, and he attacked me with thoughts of “this is God punishing you for your sins,” “you know this wouldn’t have happened if you had taken better care of yourself,” “you’re going to die!” I immediately called my doctor and scheduled the necessary appointments. Shortly after I found the mass, an immediate family member suffered a profound medical emergency. My brain shifted into caregiver mode, in between trying to balance my own health and working full time. Another family medical emergency cropped up towards the end of the month, and with it brought arguments between family members, and the realization that I needed to make some seriously difficult life choices. On Valentine’s Day while I was sitting at my desk at work when my heart rate spiked. I was nauseous, dizzy, clammy, and felt overcome with worry. I left work and went home early, and eventually my heart rate settled, but it never went back to my previous resting rate. After days of an elevated heart rate, I called my doctor again and had a series of tests done. I had to wear a heart monitor for a week, which was a sticky and uncomfortable mess.
I tried not to let my circumstances make the best of me, and I booked a ticket to visit a friend out of state. I drove the several hours in traffic towards the airport, and found out along the way that my flight had been cancelled. I went home and sobbed, feeling powerless and exhausted. Haven’t I suffered enough? and Why me? were thoughts that frequently circulated through my mind. I tried reaching out to friends and loved ones, wanting someone to talk to about my issues just to have some support. I did not find much.
I felt so alone. I felt like the entire world was on my shoulders, and that I was doing an absolutely terrible job of keeping myself going. I didn’t want to throw myself a pity party, but I felt pitiful. How is it that next to nothing is going right in my life? I just want things to get better, I just want to be happy. I don’t want to be held back from fun or enjoyment because of my health, or because of my mindset. I wasn’t depressed, but I was SO down. I felt like I was getting whiplash from the onslaught of crud that was being hurled at me. Of course, because of how busy I was dealing with my mess, I severely neglected spending time in the Word.
I started taking a class at church, and after the class I approached my pastor and cried to him about the difficulties I was experiencing. I told him what a hard time I was having, and how everything seemed to be happening all at once. He looked at me and said, “April, I’m sorry. You know this isn’t normal, right?” My response was, “Yes, I know the devil is real and spiritual warfare is as well.” I hadn’t thought when I spoke! I was dismissive of spiritual warfare because I thought it was silly. But as soon as he said “normal,” it hit me: my situation is NOT normal. We prayed and I left church.
As I parked my car at home, I suddenly felt something stirring within me. I closed my eyes and knew that I needed to speak, not to God, but to the devil. I rebuked him. I sat in my car, and spoke aloud to the devil tormenting me. The voice that came from my mouth was not my own, because the Holy Spirit was moving in me. I told him that I am covered under the blood of Jesus Christ who died on the cross for my sins. I told him that I am worthy and deserving of love, of lasting relationships, of health! And that while I could never earn God’s love, He offers grace to me. I told the devil that he has no power over me, my loved ones, my body, NOTHING. I had never had such a profound spiritual experience! In hindsight, I wish I had recorded myself because I don’t remember everything the Holy Spirit said through me- it was so powerful, more than anything I could’ve said of my own accord.
I went back inside my house, and for the first time in months, I felt PEACE. True peace. Like nothing was coming for me, like I wasn’t shackled to pain and despair. I opened my Bible, and in a matter of days I finished reading Exodus and Leviticus, something I had been trying (and by trying, I mean not really at all!) to do for some time. I felt made new! I played the same song over and over again, singing it out in worship no matter where I was- the car, the shower, my room, out on a walk, etc. It’s a Tasha Layton song called Into the Sea (It’s Gonna Be Ok):
“Though the mountains may be moved into the sea, though the ground beneath might crumble and give way, I can hear my Father singing over me, ‘It’s gonna be ok.’”
The fear, particularly of my health declining, started to dwindle after that night. It was no surprise when my follow up appointments confirmed my test results were unremarkable.
I’m a big believer in seeing the blessing in the lesson, and appreciating the lesson however hard it hit me. I know that the devil didn’t cause the bad things to happen in my life, because sometimes bad things just happen and there is absolutely no good reason for it. But I SAW Satan at work in my life, trying to make me feel like I was not a child of the Most High King. So in my suffering, in my pain, in the midst of my groaning, I know that God is with me. I know that He is more powerful than me, and certainly more powerful than Satan. His grace is more than enough.
I’m doing and feeling a lot better than I was last month. I finally feel like I’m breaking free of the constant battle that had been raging within me. This isn’t to say that I’m not still working on it- I am in the midst of several very big (but very good) life changes that will have significant personal impact. But the fear of the next step, the next move, the next moment- it’s gone.
I want to speak a word of encouragement to anyone reading this right now: if you are in a relentless season where not a single thing is going right… you need to let it go. Give that pain, that suffering, that misery and defeat up to God. You were never meant to carry this all on your own. If Satan is actively working in your life, rebuke him openly and proudly. You are a child of the Most High King, and the enemy only has power over you if you let him. You will make it through this! So tell the devil exactly where to go, then look up to He who created you.
Amen!
Advent: Week Four
Eternity as a child in a manger.
26. In the sixth month the angel Gabriel was sent from God to a city of Galilee named Nazareth,
27. to a virgin betrothed to a man whose name was Joseph, of the house of David. And the virgin’s name was Mary.
28. And he came to her and said, “Greetings, O Favored one, the Lord is with you!”
29. But she was greatly troubled at the saying, and tried to discern what sort of greeting this might be.
30. And the angel said to her, “Do not be afraid, Mary, for you have found favor with God.
31. And behold, you will conceive in your womb and bear a son, and you shall call his name Jesus.
32. He will be great and will be called the Son of the Most High. And the Lord God will give to him the throne of his father David,
33. and he will reign over the house of Jacob forever, and of his kingdom there will be no end.”
Luke 1: 26-33
Terrified doesn’t begin to cover it. Terrified? Yes. Shocked? Indubitably. Flabbergasted? Absolutely.
This is one of many reasons why God chose Mary to be the mother of Jesus. While it is quite safe to assume that Mary would’ve been floored at the sight of Gabriel, rather than fainting out of sheer terror as I would’ve likely done, she takes some time to actual think about what she is seeing, and why.
None of us are perfect, but as much as I want to assume that I would leap at God’s purpose for my life, I can’t speak as to how I would’ve reacted to being told I would give birth to the Messiah. I think I may have been onto something when I mentioned losing consciousness, and quite frankly, I think most of us would!
Mary was awaiting the Messiah, just as every other person who knew the scriptures was. That being said, no one could’ve possible been prepared for what Mary heard when Gabriel appeared to her. I don’t believe that God has yet made my own purpose clear, but when God has called me to things in the past, I was not ready. But He equipped where I needed equipping, and it worked out exactly how it needed to.
For the time being, I am going to put aside my feelings, my assumptions, and my pondering to focus on a part of the message in this scripture: we are given eternity. This baby that Mary has just discovered is growing within her will grow to be a man, the Son of Man. He is the King of all Kings, not only because he is of the House of David, but because he is the Son of God.
In a few short days, it will be Christmas Eve. Sitting in church, I’ll be looking at the nativity scene and gazing upon the baby in the manger. I will pray, and in my prayers I will thank God for the eternity we are entirely unworthy and undeserving of that is freely given.
This baby in the manger? He means forever, always, eternal, everlasting.
Amen.
Advent: Week Three
We are given a promise.
14. Behold, the days are coming, declares the Lord, when I will fulfill the promise I made to the house of Israel and the house of Judah.
15. In those days and at that time I will cause a righteous Branch to spring up for David, and he shall execute justice and righteousness in the land.
16. In those days Judah will be saved, and Jerusalem will dwell securely. And this is the name by which it will be called: ‘The Lord is our righteousness.’
-Jeremiah 33: 14-16
We have to talk about how incredible God’s promises are.
I don’t know about you, but I have been lied to, deceived, and betrayed by people more times than I can count or remember. Sometimes it feels like a daily occurrence! Malicious lies, fortunately, are a rarity in my life these days. I have done my best to limit the number of people in my life who blatantly lie (who has time for them? Not I!), but that hasn’t stopped some of the other nonsense from slipping through the cracks.
What hurts most, almost as much as someone lying to me directly, is when a promise is made but not upheld. Has someone ever promised you something but didn’t follow through? Or did they prioritize something else over their promise to you? It stings, like a wasp that you can’t swat away. It reframes the image you have of that person in your life, and if you’re anything like me you stop and (over)think about the person’s character, if there were any warning signs leading up to their behavior, etc.
This has happened to me many times within friendships and relationships. I still have the promise ring of a man who told me he would one day marry me, only to betray my heart and trust. Every once in a while, especially when I’ve been misled, I take that ring out of its hiding place and look at it. I exam the gemstones, the intricate grooves, and the shape. I no longer feel any connection to the man who gave it to me, and as I look at it I’m reminded that the promises he made were superficial. As odd as it might sound, this piece of jewelry serves as a reminder of the bleakness of a godless world.
The world feels dark, and this season of early nights and late mornings doesn’t help. But in that darkness we have the greatest light: JESUS. Forget a candle in the darkness, Christ is like a supernova! But let’s backtrack for a second and focus on what leads up to Jesus’ birth: this season is the eternal reminder of promises fulfilled. The coming of the Messiah wasn’t documented by one person, or in one time, or in one circumstance. God promised him throughout the Old Testament, there were hundreds of years of waiting, and then we read a promised fulfilled as the angel Gabriel tells a young woman she will be the mother of the promised one.
If you are in a season right now as you read this where you are waiting on God for something, rest assured that God’s promises to you are the only true promises. What God has for you will not lie or betray you, because He is good. He is more than the promise ring, and His choice to give His only son for our sins is a very physical, visceral demonstration of the abounding love that God has for us. No other promise will ever live up to the baby in the manger.
In two (very) short weeks, we will gather to adore and revere the baby miracle given to us. We will congregate in churches across the world and sing praises, because God delivered on the absolute best promise, one that surpasses all others and all understanding, because He loves us. Yes, people will lie and betray us. Yes, we will be persecuted. But I think we can pause for a moment to breathe and forgive, because despite our many shortcomings,
GOD IS GOOD.
Advent: Week Two
Pressure, inadequacy, and the intimacy of the Prince of Peace in a manger.
6. For to us a child is born, to us a son is given; and the government shall be upon his shoulder, and his name shall be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.
7. Of the increase of his government and of peace there will be no end, on the throne of David and over his kingdom, to establish it and to uphold it with justice and with righteousness from this time forth and forevermore. The zeal of the Lord of hosts will do this.
-Isaiah 9: 6-7
If last week felt like the spiritual plane engine kicking to life, this week feels like the fast-paced motion of hurtling down the runway. Christmas music is on full blast in every store and office building, lighted trees can be seen through front windows, and in my region there is snow on the ground!
While last week’s theme of anticipation certainly still rings true, this week something different has sunk in- pressure. Has anyone else felt a very intense pull to read Luke and Matthew, even if they had previously been reading elsewhere in scripture, or is it just me? Beyond a call to read the gospel, I’ve personally been struggling with a certain amount of inadequacy.
It can be so hard not to compare yourself to your friends, coworkers, or neighbors in this season. Rooftops are lined with lights, front doors have wreaths with red ribbons, and the single strand of lights you have around your door may feel a bit small-scale in comparison to those around you. Unlike our parents and grandparents’ generations, now we have the unique privilege of seeing inside everyone’s homes due to the power of social media. The pressure is ON to have every corner of your home bursting with festive spirit, to have a tree with impeccably placed ornaments and warm lights a-glowing, and to have the absolute most perfect shaped cookies with envy-inducing frosting on top.
This is one area of Christmastime I still have to address each year: the amount of performance and showmanship that comes this time of year can be, if I’m honest, a bit nauseating. When I was a child before social media really took off, there may have been one neighbor on the block who needed an entire lights display, or one woman in the friend group who needed her house to look so perfect that Martha Stewart would be envious, but that was usually it. There was no pressure for you to post a picture of your family going out to find the perfect tree, nor decorating it, nor your children opening several dozen presents under the tree. While social media does enable us to share moments like these with friends and family we may not often see, it adds a layer of drama that I could honestly do without.
This isn’t born out of jealously- if you have a Charlie Brown tree or a 12-foot evergreen in your living room, it makes no difference to me. The part that doesn’t sit well with me is the profoundly spiritual, intimate element of Christmas being bastardized into something material, flashy, ornate, and gaudy. While it is completely appropriate to celebrate this season with lights, big trees, cookies, decorations, etc, we cannot allow these to detract from the significance that is the purpose of Christmas.
How do I work through this inadequacy? By turning to scripture. The above passage from Isaiah made me weep the first time I read it, and for good reason- we are given hope. God’s promises are absolute, and to know that Isaiah foreshadowed the single most important event in history by discussing Jesus’ birth… It lends itself to tears of joy. We learn that God is sending a baby to us, and that the reign this child will have will be greater than any king or emperor. But this child, he won’t just be a glorious ruler, he will also be a champion for peace and compassion. This is an intimacy that I will turn to year after year to remind myself of the true reason for advent.
Truth be told, a tree has yet to be erected in my household, though I’m hoping that this next week of advent changes that! But beyond the tangible, when I start to feel those feelings of ineptitude, I will say this prayer:
“Lord, thank you for blessing us with the foreknowledge of your intent; to send your only son, our Lord to free us from our sins. God, thank you for this season’s reminder of his birth, and for this scripture’s emphasis of Christ as everything from a prince of peace to a mighty ruler. May the tender, raw image of our Lord in a manger be our focus in the days and weeks to come. In your name we pray.”
AMEN!
Advent: Week One
The beginning of advent represents something very biblical… Anticipation.
Behold, I send my messenger, and he will prepare the way before me. And the Lord whom you seek will suddenly come to his temple; and the messenger of the covenant in whom you delight, behold, he is coming says the Lord of hosts.
-Malachi 3:1
Anticipation is the word that comes to mind as the Christmas season approaches. As leaves fall to the ground over September and October, a change beyond the atmosphere can be sensed by many. The chill of the morning is now enough to take the wool sweaters down from the attic, the smell of baked goods floats out from many a kitchen window, and children all over the world begin writing their lists for St. Nicholas (Santa Claus, Father Christmas, or what have you). But every year, in the weeks or days leading up to December, something begins to stir within the minds of many believers.
As I’ve grown older, I’ve felt a shift in how I perceive the holiday season. When I was a child, Christmas was about being around my family, and of course, opening presents. I had no concept of timing, money, or any of the things that now cloud my mind around this time of year. Christmastime felt like actual, genuine magic. Everything from baking cookies to decorating the tree felt like Christmas was just that much closer. Part of what made this season feel so special was when my mother made the inevitable trip to the grocery store right before the beginning of December. I would hear her voice call, “April!” from the kitchen, and my little legs would tear out of my bedroom and down the hall to see what was on offer. A thin, rectangular box with individually numbered windows awaited me.
Thus was the extent of my knowledge of advent. I didn’t grow in up a Christian household, so the idea of going to advent services or masses was not part of my upbringing. When I was saved and began attending church, suddenly the notion of advent was all around me, and I could tell immediately that it was far greater than chocolates behind cardboard windows. It wasn’t until I started researching more diligently that I learned about the significance of advent in the Christian belief system.
A podcast I listened to quite a bit at the beginning of my walk with God was The Bible Binge with Knox McCoy and Jamie Golden, which is a hilarious pop-culture take on the Bible that made scripture so much clearer for me as I navigated learning how to read it. Their series (which I HIGHLY recommend) was my first thorough introduction to advent as a season in Christian life.
When I was a child, advent was about the anticipation of Christmas Day, and to some extent it remains that way to me as an adult. However, advent is no longer as simple as sitting on Santa’s lap and roasting chestnuts; advent is about the process of preparing for the day we remember Christ’s birth.
What does this mean? Advent is, in many ways, a season of symbolism. Christmas represents the fulfilling of several prophecies of the Old Testament, including the scripture I’ve included from Malachi. The OT builds and builds and builds on the foreshadowing of Jesus’s birth, while the New Testament only adds to that literary function by including the details of Mary and Joseph’s journey to Bethlehem.
Advent is symbolic because it contributes to the theme that something great is coming. Hundreds of years of prophecies lead up to the angel Gabriel visiting the virgin Mary. As Mary discovers she is pregnant, as she navigates her betrothal to Joseph, as they travel for the census… All of these details only add to the joy of what is to come.
In Malachi, we read that God is planning on sending someone to fulfill what has been foretold. He doesn’t say when, which is why I find it perfectly acceptable that Mary may have been a bit surprised by Gabriel’s arrival. This season of advent, the end of the church calendar, it represents God’s love, and above all, His promise. Fulfillment is one of His specialties, one that we all would do well to remember.
In my walk with God this advent, I will not be focusing on shopping, budgeting, cooking, cleaning, or even decorating. My priority is simple: delving deeper into the gospel, praying for the understanding of its importance, and thanking Him for sending His only son for me and for all sinners. The miracle of his birth awaits, and again I speak the word that this season embodies: anticipation.