31: 27
in the stillness
27. She looks well to the ways of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness.
How can a woman look well to the ways of her household when she doesn’t have one to manage?
I’m unmarried. I do not live with a partner. I do not have a home of my own. And yet, I have this strong, intense desire to live as a biblical woman- a woman whose task it is to make a house feel like a home. This isn’t, I’ve learned, as simple as donning an apron and baking cookies. It isn’t spending hours at TJ Maxx and HomeGoods sniffing candles and buying every “home is where the mess is” sign. It is the process of prayer, difficult/demanding work, and joyful submission and servitude.
I am a perfectionist, so this next sentence is a bit of a challenge for me to type out, but here goes… I failed. I neither looked well to the ways of my household this month, nor did I shun idleness. I barely took care of my living space, and was incredibly lazy whenever I had the chance. I am navigating an incredibly difficult season of grief, and while things are looking better I am still very much missing a loved one. So I didn’t just fail, I failed EPICALLY.
Because God is honestly, truly, completely hilarious, He showed me an example of what it means to be this woman during the month of August. God provided such a woman, and if there was ever such a thing as a holy slap to the cheek, I am confident I experienced it. He showed me an example of a woman who- despite having an eerily similar situation to my own- still managed her household very gracefully. I’m sure if I told that to this woman she would laugh, but the truth is that she is one of the most hardworking women I’ve ever met.
Sometimes we have to be shown something in order to truly understand it, and in this circumstance I got a legitimate visual of the Proverbs 31 woman. Rising early, working until the lamp runs out, maintaining a beautiful home, caring for her household and those within it… It was inspiring and eye-opening all at one. But life is not without its challenges, and I witnessed her navigate some in a way that looked effortless, though I am confident it was not.
If I’m supposed to maintain a household, I have to start with the space I am in. Not just folding the laundry at the end of the bed or sweeping the floor at the end of the day. How do I know that those I live with feel safe, secure, and blessed within our space? I start from within, and work my way out. God has to be the guiding force in this, not my own desire to look good, have a pristine home, etc. This month, I struggled to look to Him. I struggled tremendously. The funny part about being a Christian is that when you feel the most distance from him is when you need to focus the most on Him. This is obviously easier said than done, but it is unwavering truth.
I wasn’t where I wanted to be this month. I didn’t live the example of the Christian life I am supposed to embody. But you know what? God’s got this, even when I don’t. When I want to give up, I have to remember to lean on Him, and not the world or on my own thoughts. I can’t speak as to where Proverbs 31 will take me next month, but I do know this much: I have to turn to the one who gives me strength.